Cracking Rodney
by fififolle
Summary: Rodney overhears Peter and Elizabeth chatting. They're teasing him. He’s not amused, not yet anyway. McWeir oneshot. Another punfic laced with Grodin. Just silliness.


**Disclaimers**: I do not own these characters; this is written for fun, I make no money etc.

**Spoilers: **Early Season 1 only

**A/N: **For M and A, thanks for the idea. I just had to.

**Summary:** Rodney overhears Peter and Elizabeth chatting. They're teasing him. He's not amused, not yet anyway. McWeir oneshot. Another pun-fic laced with Grodin.

* * *

So here I am, just trying to work. I'm at the far console in the control room, reviewing the week's desalination efficiency figures. Not my job, of course. Resident genius astrophysicist looking at mundane report, yeah, right. It should have been that Czech guy, what's-his-name, Zerplunk? Said could I just take a look, to make sure he was interpreting it correctly? I swear that was flattery, but what else has he got to do? What possible reason could he have for getting out of this stupid job? If he's working on something I don't know about… 

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, I had to look at these figures, 'cos I'm the best there is. Well, of course, my mind is also working on my latest theory obsession. I had this idea about using a Wraith algorithm to solve Riemann's hypothesis. I know, brilliant, isn't it? Damn shame no one on Earth would be able to follow the solution. There's no justice. It's just an idea, but everyone has to have a hobby…

And how can I concentrate when she's there, swivelling back and forth on that chair. She's smiling and talking with Grodin. Smug Brit. OK, it's a quiet moment, we're the only ones in the control room, but she's got her own office, right? Look, 'Dr Elizabeth Weir', it says so on the door. So what's she doing sat out here, having _fun_, with _him_? He should be concentrating, for a start. He claims women go for him because of that British accent of his. I know he's had one date with that Dumais girl. She's hot. Not blonde, but hot, and talented. Where was I? Oh, yeah, what is it with the whole British thing, hmm? Americans can't resist the accent? What about me? I'm exotic and mysterious too! Sorta.

So I'm trying to concentrate, and on two things, I might add, and she's there, with him, they're having some funny little conversation that's got them both grinning like idiots. He's got one elbow propped on the control desk, the slacker, and she's spinning a bit on that chair, the hussy. He's saying stuff, and she's listening, like she does to me, and she's batting those eyes, I swear. She tells him something, and he's shocked, but laughing. Damn, I wish I was closer so I could hear. Can't they talk a little louder?

She's leaning in as he tells her something. She claps her hand over her mouth. Wha'd he say, dammit? She's blushing! If he's hitting on her, I'll… damn, he's gonna be in so much trouble when I get my hands on him. Aw, crap, I snapped my pencil in two!

"Can I borrow it, Peter? Please?"

Wha'd she say? What's he gonna lend her? He's grinning like the Cheshire cat. He's shaking his head! How dare he refuse her!

"Please?"

What's she doing? She's WHISPERING IN HIS EAR! Oh, he is dead. So dead. I've never seen his eyes so wide. Right, that's it. Wait! She's looked round at me! Right at me! And her eyebrow is up. You know, _that_ one. With her half smile. And _he's_ looking at me too! With the weirdest look, like amazement. Wha'd she say? Why are they looking at _me_? He's saying something to her, and she's _giggling_.

Where's she going? Hey, she's going into her office! What's going on? Crap, I'm going to have to go and talk to Grodin. Find out what he's up to, smug Brit.

"Right, Grodin. What was all that about?"

"Rodney! Hello. What do you mean?"

"Don't give me that! Wha'd you tell her? Were you talking about me?"

"Maybe."

"I swear, Grodin, you'd better…"

"Relax McKay! We were just talking about our personal items from Earth."

"What? Eh? Oh, right… And she wants to borrow yours? Wha'd you bring, hmm?"

He's thinking. I can tell.

"A whip."

Holy smoke, I almost choked. "A wha…?"

He just smiled, smug Brit.

Just what was she up to, huh? You would've missed me for dust as I blew into her office.

"OK, Elizabeth. I want to know what you said about me!"

"Oh, Rodney, hi! Sorry, what are you talking about?"

I look back out of her office towards Grodin. He's swivelling on _his_ chair, arms folded, grinning at me.

"I… er… um…"

"Really, Rodney. Sometimes I can't follow you. Your mind moves so fast and your just don't explain yourself properly. Did you have something to say?"

"I… um… er…"

She's sighing and shaking her head, and that damn smile hasn't moved an inch.

"I wish I had something to keep you in check, McKay. You just need a firm hand."

Oh, help me please. She's giving me a _look_. You know,_ that_ one, the one _women_ have. What am I going to do?

She's got up from her desk and she's put her hands on my arms, and she's _rubbing_ them. And she's got those _eyes._

"It's OK, Rodney. Don't worry about a thing. You just keep the city working, and I'll take care of everything else, all right?"

Why won't my jaw shut?

"Have dinner with me later, Rodney, please?"

She's using those _eyes _again.

"Uh, OK."

Where's she going? Hey, where's she going? She can't leave me here like this! I'm… in shock. Hey, she's stopped next to Grodin! Now what's going on?

"Thanks Peter. You were right. And I think I can handle it from here."


End file.
